Post by joannejefferson on Sept 7, 2010 1:40:44 GMT -5
31 October 1991
Today is my birthday. I am officially 26 years old, and like every year since I learned how to write complete sentences I’m starting a new journal. It’s a weird tradition I guess, but it’s the one thing that binds together my childhood and my adulthood. I’ve been keeping journals since I was six years old, so I guess this is some kind of twenty year anniversary of sorts. That may sound a little weird, but that’s sort of been my mindset all day.
Birthdays are supposed to be celebrated right? They are supposed to honor the life you’ve lived up until this point, to remember the past and prepare for the future. I’ve been thinking about that since I woke up this morning, or more specifically about the past. Blame Maureen for the introspection. She was the first thing I saw when I woke up. I don’t know what made this particular morning so different, but I was just laying in bed watching her sleep in that wild way she has. I don’t know how long it was before I finally slipped out of the bed, but as I lay there I started thinking about just how much I love her.
There’s no person on this planet like Maureen. Not really. Yes, she and Jennifer are two eerily similar people, and really I should have seen this pattern in my life a long, long time ago, but no one can truly match her. I started thinking about all the things we’ve been through together; the break-ups, the make-ups, everything. It’s taken us a long time to get to this point in our relationship, and that got me to thinking about the path my entire life has taken.
It all got started when I was fifteen years old, back at Miss Porter’s. Andrea Lumet Vimont, my French classmate, was the single most beautiful girl I had ever seen. At that time anyway. We didn’t actually meet until the first day of classes. I got lost trying to find my way to my chemistry class, and she was walking in the hallways supposedly helping the new students find their way around. It was just around time for the class to start, and she walked up to me as I stood glaring down the hall trying to figure out where I was. I don’t really remember what she said. I just remember that she smiled, and before then I had never seen a smile so bright and beautiful.
I will admit that I had an instant crush on her. She walked me to my class that day, and to my surprise, Andrea was actually in the class. Every day after that we met in the exact same hallway at the exact same time and walked to class together. I didn’t even realize what was happening between us until one night, she found me in the library. I was working on a history report, and I hadn’t even noticed her standing by the table until she grabbed my books. Even then I was a workaholic, and the only way to get my attention was to make the work go away. I remember wondering why she wasn’t smiling. Andrea was a girl that loved to smile. She was always so happy, and whenever the smile was gone from her face we all knew something was wrong. That night in the library was the first time I’d ever seen her look so serious. Before I could ask what was wrong, she kissed me. It was soft, and hesitant, and I remember thinking that she tasted like strawberries and chocolate. I had no idea what was going on. I mean, sure I knew what being homosexual was and that it was generally frowned upon by people in the circles my family operated in, but that was about it. The second she kissed me, though, I decided that if that was what being gay was, then I was willing to put up with the backlash.
Things sort of went from there. Andrea was very patient with me, in the beginning. She knew that I wasn’t all that aware of my sexuality beyond what I had learned from her, and even when we finally did have sex she led me through the experience every step of the way. Unfortunately, Andrea was a lot like Maureen, with that wild untamable spirit. She didn’t particularly like the fact that I was so dedicated to keeping what we had a secret, despite my insistence that I could handle the consequences. To put it simply, I just wasn’t mature enough to handle our relationship, and what balancing it with the rest of my life required. Looking back now, I’m surprised that it even lasted the whole year. I guess that shows just how patient Andrea really was, although at the time I didn’t see it that way.
Oddly enough, I saw Andrea a couple weeks ago. A client of the firm had a casual party and Steve and I were invited to go. She’s just as beautiful now as she was then. We spent a good portion of the party talking and catching up. I hadn’t seen her since she’d graduated from Miss Porter’s. It was nice to see how much we’d both grown over the years, and how easy it was to laugh at all the memories we’d shared back in school. It’s funny. It hasn’t even been ten years since then, and yet it feels like a lifetime. So much has changed since then. I guess that’s just how life works, isn’t it?
Oh, well, I’d better put this thing away. The queen has arisen from her chambers, and judging by the look on her face, I’m likely to be occupied for the next … oh say six hours or so. Maybe longer.
Happy birthday to me.
Me and Andy at the party
