Hospital Beds (Adrienne)(Casual)

[rocky]

"Roger -- are you...?"

Are you HIV positive? Adrienne almost didn't dare say it. She hadn't been part of their proper group. It was Roger she knew, not the others, so she had no concept of how ingrained it had become in his life. For her, HIV and AIDs were things that happened to other people. People in Africa. People in the news.

She was well-educated on the subject, in fact, though it was all statistics. Numbers. Facts. Trivia. She had never really seen it on a real person. She had never really confronted the reality of it face to face. She didn't know what to do. Her brain was logical. She knew exactly how the disease was transmitted. She knew she didn't have it, she'd been tested (though not lately, certainly more lately than she'd been with Roger), and she knew she could't get it sitting there with him in the park.

It didn't stop her gut reaction, though. A lurching sort of irrational fear that made no sense, had nothing to do with Roger himself, and certainly didn't speak for Adrienne's convictions on the subject. She wrestled with it, feeling sickened -- with herself and with his condition -- and powerless. The powerlessness was the most overwhelming.

She gripped his arm a little more tightly, her expression confused, for a moment.

"I don't -- I can't -- I don't know what to say. Jesus. Fuck. That's -- fuck."

She didn't even try to say she was sorry, this time. She was too busy wrangling her thoughts on the subject. Remembering worthless statistics and precautionary measures. Remembering someone sticking her with a needle -- a used needle, at that -- and feeling incredibly grim at how badly that could have gone.

Fuck.

[ROGER DAVIS]

Roger-- are you...?

A breath escaped my lips as I heard her mutter, whisper out a question that she didn't finish. It didn't need to be finished, actually. I knew exactly what she was going to ask, and it made me stiffen. My eyes closed sharply, and I felt her arm clench onto mine.

I didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to say. No one knew what to say, really, and I wasn't surprised. I still don't know what to say and I've been living with it for what, two years? Three almost. And yet, I still had no idea what to say.

"Baby," I said finally, finding my voice, though it was tight and almost not like my own. I could feel the lump choking the air from my lungs, and I shook my head firmly. "Baby, listen to me." I instantly moved, taking her hand, wishing I could promise her that nothing could have happened. That nothing had happened. But it could have.

Anything could have happened.

"I know it happened after I met April, okay? A-And we didn't--" I found himself trailing off. "That was before. Before I met you I was clean, I promise. I'm sick now, but--"

But she was looking at me strange, shocked and was it scared? "Baby, I know I'm sick, okay? I know I am, and I probably don't have long. They gave me five years at the most. But I promise you I was clean when we were together."

[rocky]

"No, no -- I know -- I've been tested," Adrienne said desperately, her eyes welling with tears; she hadn't known him well at all, but the prospect that he only had five years to live was awful. If anybody had something artistic to contribute to the world it was Roger, she thought bitterly.

Her original gut reaction was ridiculous, and she knew it. Adrienne threw her arms around him and hugged him hard, as if to prove to herself that she knew better than to find him repulsive or less than human because of the disease, even though her first round of thoughts had been just as prejudiced and repulsed as anybody's.

"That's not why I'm upset, Jesus -- Roger. You should've -- I would've --"

She didn't quite know how to express what she meant. She wanted him to know that she regretted thoroughly that she hadn't kept in touch with him, even just as a friend. She wanted to express some degree of support, but the words weren't there. She wanted the time back, fuck.

Fuck!

[ROGER DAVIS]

Her arms launched around my neck and held tightly, making me swallow and slowly wrap my arms around her. She smelled nice, like light flowers or something, and I felt my eyes close. She stuttered out words, and I felt my head shake, even though I hadn't even thought of it. "Do what?"

My voice was a strange mixture of emotions. On one hand, I was amused at the amount of people who had said that they wouId have done something. The other hand was still bitter. Bitter about everything that had happened. I pulled back, shaking my head as I brought my hand up, pressing it against the side of her fire-red hair.

"There wasn't anything you could do. If--if you would have come over I would have slammed the door in your face." I paused, and then looked down at the green grass slightly. "After she died I was in a bad place. Got put up in the hospital for a while after the funeral." I told her honestly, glancing up at her. "Overdosed." I added as a clarification before I shook his head, knwoing what she probably waantd to say. "Look, if you--I didn't leave the house for eight months. For eight months, I didn't do shit. I wouldn't go out. I barely talked to anyone except the guy I lived with. No matter how lovely you are--and you are--it wasn't time. I wasn't ready."

[rocky]

Adrienne adjusted herself, so he could more easily lean against her. She had always been a tactile person, she would hug him all damn day if he would let her.

"Oh, Roger," she sighed. How could he do that? Overdose? "Was it... was it deliberate?"

She didn't want to think about it, if it had been. She wanted to slap him. AIDs or not, suicide was unthinkable. She had never imagined him as that sort of person. He just couldn't be that stupid.

"Don't answer that," she decided, sniffing. She wasn't quite crying, but in the treacherous place in between, where tears were threatening but not yet present. She decided they were going to be friends again. That they had drifted from one another was something she couldn't change, but she didn't intend to allow it to continue.

"I think we deserve a drink," she said decisively. "I think we definitely deserve a drink. And maybe something disgustingly greasy to eat."

He didn't look healthy, and Adrienne wondered vaguely at his financial situation. It couldn't be up to much. She was moderately well off - well off enough to be comfortable in the city. She could buy him lunch, and enough booze to take the edge off the revelation, and never miss the cash.

She didn't often take stock of how lucky she was.

[ROGER DAVIS]

Oh, Roger. Was it...was it deliberate?

My lips pursed and I wish I could tell her that it hadn't been intentional. It had been something that I hadn't thought about and had simply...done, so did that really make it intentional?

She told me not to answer that, and I swallowed, nodding slightly before looking over at her as she spoke of drinks.

"I'd like a drink." I told her before I moved, grabbing my guitar case, counting up the small amont of change I had in there. It wasn't alot, and it didn't surprise me, thoigh I didn't want her to pay for me.

We'd go to the Life and skip out just like I always did. I stood, putting my guitar back in the case and slung it over my shoulder. We walked silently, and I looked over at her, pausing. She needed to know. She needed to know that even though I wanted to die, I hadn't really done it on purpose. At least, I hadn't been actively searching it out.

"I had a headache when I came home from the funeral. Probably because of all the, you know, shit that happened over the last three days. I came home and took the first thing I saw in the cabnet; some tylonol pms. I figured it'd be okay 'cause I needed to sleep. I passed out in the bed for a while, and I guess I was half asleep when I shot up." I paused, looking over at her carefully. "They said the mixture of the smack and the sedatives in my system made...you know...made my lungs stop working."

I remember Mark had said he found me, and when he had found me, it looked like I had eaten a box of blue popsicles. My mouth was blue. My cheeks were blue. My tongue was blue. He said when he had tried to give me CPR, my lips had been ice cold.

But for some reason, I had started breathing again.

"I don't remember any of it." I told her honestly. "I didn't conciously do it on purpose...but at that point, I probably wouldn't have minded if I had died. I woke up surprised that I wasn't dead."

I paused, shaking my head lightly before I looked over, and I gave her almost a sad smile. "Something I learned from my ex...is that when you feel like you've lost everything, even the worst things on the planet look like the best options."

[rocky]

"Roger, that's awful," she chastised him, and took his hand as a measure of confidence, the sort of affection that was platonic, and meant to anchor him to the ground. "If you ever do anything like that again, I'll kill you."

Gallows humour. Completely inappropriate, really, but that was Adrienne - it was rare that she ever was appropriate, and she made no apologies for herself, even in the face of his terminal disease. It was funny, really, the way that loyalty manifested itself. She had never been one to be faithful. In fact, she couldn't remember the last boyfriend she'd had she hadn't cheated on -- except maybe Frank, who had sort of eclipsed her whole life in a way she hadn't been expecting. It wasn't a conscious decision to be monogamous with him, it was just the way it had happened. Was it monogamy, if you were the other woman?

Adrienne didn't think so.

"God. You really know how to give a girl some perspective, you know that?" She nudged him, with her elbow. "I was just thinking about how ridiculous and complicated my life was when I ran into you."

[ROGER DAVIS]

"Believe me, baby," I said with a slight laugh at her statement, feeling her fingers lace with mine. "You're gonna have a fuckin' line you're gonna have to stand in if you want to kill me for that. You'll have about...7 or 8 people who'll want to do it first."

And that was the truth. Mark and the gang would probably find a way to bring me back to life only to violently kill me for the act. I felt her elbow nudge me, and I let a small smile cross my face. "We're all fucked up. We've all got problems." I lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. "Some more than others. But hey, I've got a roof over my head, and friends. That's all I need."

I paused, looking over at her for a moment. "So," I looped my arm in hers as we walked through the park. "Enough about my shit life. How're you doing, baby?" I paused, and felt a light smile cross my lips. "I did miss you, y'know. I actually thought about you the other day."

[rocky]

"Really? ...Why?"

Adrienne frowned a little. Why would he be thinking of her? They hadn't spoken in ages it seemed, although she had the notion that his latest round of revelations was making it seem longer ago than it truly was. She felt fundamentally altered, as if she had been playing a character then. Or maybe as if she was playing a character now.

"I... don't have much to report, really," she shrugged, looking off into the distance. George trailed behind them, chomping mindlessly on his tennis ball. "No babies, life-altering occasions or weddings to report. That's depressing. Is that depressing?"

No, having a fatal disease is depressing, Adrienne. Ugh.

"I dunno. I write, I date men that are completely wrong for me -- plural men, I should add -- and the other day I sprayed a perfectly innocent man in the face with pepper spray, it was awful."

[ROGER DAVIS]

Really, why?

It was stupid, really. In the back of my closet, I had found a notebook with most of the pages ripped out, but there were a few pages still left. One of the pages had a bunch of names on it.

"After...everything happened," I started, not wanting to say again about the attempted suicide or even April's death, "I went to rehab. For like, three days, but I went. They told me to make a list of every person I had contact with when I was high. All of the...people I slept with. The ones I could remember, anyway." I lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. "I found the list the other day in my closet and just started thinking. About alot of shit.."

When she spoke of not having any life-altering things happening to her, I shook my head slightly. "Babies are smelly. And they're loud. And total cock-blockers when you're all horny and shit and trying to get some pussy, then they start to cry and break the mood all up. I've heard it's totally not awesome at all." I replied honestly, and then shrugged. "Not depressing. Normal. Normal life shit is awesome to hear."

When she spoke of dating men that are completely wrong for her, and then spraying a man with pepper spray, my eyes widened slightly. "No shit?" I asked, and then laughed slightly before shaking my head. "You're insane." I paused and looked over.

"You know, I'm surprised at you, my little Aphrodite." I said after a moment. "I thought you would have been settled down or something by now. And I don't mean that in a bad way." I added quickly. "It's just...you're a beautiful girl. And, if I remember correctly, you're awesome between the sheets. So why don't you have some guy pussywhipped and hanging off your every word?" I asked, my voice truely curious.

[rocky]

"IN my defence, he ran up behind me in Central Park! At 2am! And he grabbed my shoulder," Adrienne grumbled, and glanced back to ensure George was following them. He was. It wasn't that he was well-trained, he was just hopelessly devoted, he'd follow her to the ends of the earth.

She listened good-naturedly as he dismissed the idea of children. She didn't really know how she felt about children. She would be hard-pressed to deny that there were days when she felt like a complete failure as a woman, and as a human being, because she had failed to follow what had to be basic human instinct -- to reproduce, settle down... nurture. She did get broody now and then, especially at that time of the month.

"You know, I'm surprised at you, my little Aphrodite."

Adrienne frowned a little, in surprise. Reed Armstrong had called her Aphrodite not two days previously -- he had been being a smarmy git, though.

"I thought you would have been settled down or something by now. And I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just...you're a beautiful girl. And, if I remember correctly, you're awesome between the sheets. So why don't you have some guy pussywhipped and hanging off your every word?"

"You're the second person to call me that in as many days,"
Adrienne said, deflecting a little to avoid the subject. She shrugged her shoulder awkwardly. "There was Frank. He -- um. He went back to his wife."

She sighed. She had been smitten with Frank in a way he most certainly hadn't deserved, but she had never really gotten over him. Their relationship had lacked boundaries. It had never properly begun or progressed, they had started at full speed and stopped dead after two and a half years and Frank had seen her as a plaything... and Adrienne had fallen for him in the worst way.

God.

"And uh -- I guess there's Victor? I hit him with pepper-spray, so I don't think he likes me very much. And... I don't know. It's stupid. I pissed off some lawyer in my column and he showed up in my office, right? Crazy. But then he starts sending me shit -- he sent me nearly two thousand roses!"

She gestured incredulously with her hand.

"Do you know how many roses fit in my office? It's less than fifteen hundred! My allergies have been playing up for days!"

[ROGER DAVIS]

"Fucker's gotta be crazy to do that shit in New York." I agreed with a shake of my head. "He's lucky all he got was peppersprayed. I've seen people get stabbed or shot for doing that shit."

That was true; I had never heard of a man who wasn't looking to die try to sneak up on someone in New York. Or unless he was looking for trouble. When she spoke again about the nickname I had given her without even thinking about it, I looked at her with a slight arched eyebrow. "Dunno why I said it. Seems to fit, huh?"

She continued, speaking of a man who went back to his wife, and I sighed out slightly, nodding. Anyone else probably would have chastised her about sleeping with a married man, but I was no better. I had nights, long ago, where I didn't even know the girl's name. I couldn't be exactly sure about the age of the girl and I was pretty sure that when I fucked the daughter of the owner of Lava Gina, she had been only 16. My track record held no merit for me to be a moral compass or even a fucking posterboy. If anything, I was a posterboy for bad behaviour.

She continued, and I narrowed my brows lightly. "Victor? He wasn't tryin' to rape you or anything, was he?" I asked seriously, and then kept my brows narrowed at her story of the lawyer and roses.

"No, I don't." I told her, though I wanted to tell her I knew how many times a person's name could fit on a peice of paper combined with my own. I wanted to tell her I knew how many times a name could be whispered in the ear of someone you're pressed against or shuddered in a sob or screamed out in pure rage before it became captured in the walls, waiting for a moment for them to speak it back out to you when you least expect it.

I didn't know about roses, I wanted to tell her, but I knew about obsession. I knew about love. I stayed silent for a moment and then spoke.

"Okay, I take it back. Maybe you do have guys pussywhipped. " I said with a slight smile. "It's been a while since I've had that may people trying to jump on my dick. Or in your case, get in your pants. It is sort of an awesome feeling, but a fucked up feeling, too." I lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "I've been out of the game for...a long while."

[rocky]

"Oh, if he wanted to rape me he had plenty of opportunity," Adrienne muttered. "He didn't so much as glance at me that way. I felt a little like chopped liver, actually..."

Had Adrienne known that Victor had caught a full view of her rear end as she was changing clothes she might have felt differently about his behaviour, as it was he was so much the gentleman she had presumed he was gay.

"Okay, I take it back. Maybe you do have guys pussywhipped. It's been a while since I've had that may people trying to jump on my dick. Or in your case, get in your pants. It is sort of an awesome feeling, but a fucked up feeling, too. I've been out of the game for...a long while."

"None of 'em want to marry me, though. And I think this lawyer guy is... messing with me. I can't shake the idea, y'know? Some kind of ridiculous rom-com revenge."

[ROGER DAVIS]

"Musta been gay." Roger stated at Adrienne's reply that the man didn't give her a second glance. "'Cause you're hot. Super sexy and any dude that doesn't want to at least eye-fuck you has got a problem."

"Marriage is pointless." Roger stated with a shrug. "I mean, yeah, it'd be cool to give your life to someone, but you can do that without getting married." Roger stated honestly. "And if he's messing with you, mess right back?" he offered. "Women are, no offense, violent and vindictive creatures when they want to be. Show him you're not one to be messed with. Fuck his shit up." Roger stated with a nod.

"I can't believe that guy passed you up." he said, going back to what she had said before. "I mean, shit, even all the gay guys I know would probably wanna fuck you. Maybe he was a eunuch?"

[rocky]

"He wasn't -- isn't -- gay," Adrienne said, and laughed awkwardly. She couldn't help feeling a little defensive over Frank, the more people tried to make her feel better about his behaviour the more she felt criticised for liking him, and the circle perpetuated itself. "Or a eunuch. He just picked... her, that's all."

He picked her. He fucked Adrienne and he wanted someone else to live with, and build a life with, and -- to love. His advice on Reed was far more to her liking, though she hadn't much idea of how she might fuck with him. She shook her head.

"I'll give it a shot," she said, and then glanced sidelong at him. "What about you, Roger? Tell me something good that's happened to you lately."