Agony Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

(ooc: Welcome to the advice column of Agony Aunt Augusta! If you want to send in a query for her to answer, simply send it in a PM to the account ladycdebourgh. You can be anonymous or, if you're feeling brave, put your name with your question. Have fun! Note: You will get 5pts for submitting to this column!)

"Hi Agony Aunt,

Honestly, I never really pay attention to advice columns, but I decided I'd give this one a shot. To cut right to the chase, I am in love with a woman. A very kind, amazing woman. I am afraid, however, that due to my own personal problems, I will inevitably lose her. In fact, there is no doubt that I will. I find myself content with pretending that this will work out, as if there will never come a point where I will hurt her. And as with all things I've waited, and waited, and waited to do in my life, I've put this reality on pause as well.

What I want to know is if I should stop playing games with her heart, and let her go, something that will quite possibly kill me once I do so. I love her so much.

I'm not sure if there are any words that you can write that will comfort me in this current situation. But I suppose that if I never asked, then I would never know.

-KnowsNotSeems"

Dear KnowsNotSeems,

I'm pleased you decided to give taking my advice a shot, as you say. I think it's all for the best.

Now onto the matter of your problem; to let her go or not let her go? That is the question.

Well.

You say it's due to your own personal problems that you will lose her? Perhaps if you let her in on these problems and the pair of you had a heart to heart about it all...maybe that would help somewhat. Of course you haven't told me what these personal problems of yours are so I can't be as helpful as I'd wish on that front.

If it's inevitable you will lose her due to your personal problems, now I come to think of it, then deal with the personal problems before going any further with her. You say you've waited and waited to do things in your life...maybe now's the time to stop procrastinating and sort out the web of problems you seem to find yourself trapped in.

When that's done, then you can worry about whether or not to continue seeing this woman of yours. If, as you say, letting her go will kill you, I'd reccomend staying with her. She seems like a lovely young lady, from what you've told me, and lovely young ladies are so rare a find these days.

I hope you manage to sort out those problems of yours and I hope my advice has been of use to you.

All the best,

Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Aunt Augusta,

I'm in a bit of a pickle, as they say here in America. Recently I met a guy who invited me to a party as his arm candy, and then he dumped me on his best friend. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized that in real life, I'd never be able to go to a party like this because I'm too poor and unattractive, so I ought to be thankful. And it turned out that his friend wasn't so bad. I kind of like him, but he has no idea what my social status really is, and I'm afraid he'd hate me if he found out the truth. I've been in a series of bad relationships and unpleasant circumstances, and I really would like a chance at a relationship that might actually be good for me. Should I tell him the truth, and if so, how? I don't want to screw this up like everything else in my life is screwed up.

Sincerely,
FrenchMaid

Dear FrenchMaid,

What party was this, and why wasn't I invited?

...I'm sorry...you had a question...

If you're poor and unattractive I personally am at a loss for a reason as to why the original fellow invited you to the party at all...I'm assuming it was a high class party. With that assumption in mind, I think revealing your social status to the best friend might not be the most brilliant of plans.

However, on the other hand, the best relationships, in my opinion, are based on open-ness and trust. Therefore if you want to proceed further in your courtship with this young man I suggest you tell him all. If he hates you for it that's his loss, I'd say. But then again he may simply be pleased and happy that you didn't hide your identity from him. I wouldn't know as I've never met the chap in question.

If you do end up revealing your true identity to this young man of yours then I'd suggest breaking it to him gently and not making a big deal out of it. Other than that I can't really help you as I have never been in your situation (i.e. poor and unattractive).

Here's hoping my advice was of use to you!

Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Agony Aunt Augusta,

I've been considering a career change, or at least modification, in my near future. I really want to do what I love, but it doesn't pay all that well and I'm already struggling a bit with bills and what not. Should I play it safe and continue to do my current job, or should I follow my heart?

Sincerely,
Miss Conflicted

Dear Miss Conflicted,

In my opinion career changes are never a good thing; they ruin the stability and harmony you once had and, as you seem to realize, can throw you into financial turmoil. I'm glad you chose to ask my opinion before doing anything rash.

You say you wish to change, or at least modify your job, to do what you love? Well, I'm all for that. Then again, there's a reason work is called work. If doing what you love won't pay the bills (which you mention you're already struggling to pay) I would advise against it.

I apologize for sounding harsh, but in today's world I really think it's best to stay in a job that pays the bills rather than uproot yourself to do what you love and end up with little to no money at all...that would be a heavy misfortune indeed.

In a nutshell, as the saying goes, I appreciate that you wish to follow your heart and do a job you love but I would advise against it. Stay with the job you have, pay the bills, and perhaps do what you love as a hobby.

Here's hoping my advice has been of use to you!

All the best,

Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Agony Aunt,
I lost someone very close to me recently. Actually, it was more like a few months ago. Everyone else sees to have moved on, but I haven't really been able to do that. I still think of her all the time, and I cry a lot. I'm just wondering if this is normal, if it's okay for me to still be feeling this way after so much time has passed, or if I should be trying harder to let it go.

Imploringly,
BalmInGilead

Dear BalmInGilead,
This may seem difficult to believe, considering I'm the one giving advice, but I too lost someone dear to me recently. Its been a few years now, but I wouldn't say I'm entirely over it.

So for you, having lost someone dear to you mere months ago, I would say this: it is perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do, especially since the person in question was so close to you. Just because other people have moved on doesn't mean you should. Everyone has their own time of grief, and grieves in their own way.

I wouldn't say it's fine for you to feel this way; it's never fun to feel upset, angry or guilty...negative emotions really aren't pleasant at all. But I will tell you that it is normal. It may feel like an age to you (the number of months) but that's due to the fact the young woman you speak of is no longer there, and you're having to come to terms with that. It makes sense, in it's way.

Only try harder to let it go when you feel you're through grieving. Don't let your emotions bottle up inside; that will only make things worse.

Here's hoping my advice has been of use to you, and I'm sorry for your loss. I realize you will have heard those words so many times as to have lost all meaning, and I'm sorry for that too.

Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Agony Aunt Augusta,

So, I came to New York to be with the person I would definitely regard as my best friend, with him having moved here sometime before I did. I've always thought that I needed to help him in everything he did and I've kind of made it part of my life's work to make sure that he doesn't fall foul of the things he does and doesn't do. Not that I regard him as a chore or anything like that, you must understand. I enjoy helping him and making sure he's alright.

However, there's been a long running conflict within me between the person I want to help and the person I want to be with. This conflict even falls between the pair of them, which is heartbreaking for me to witness. I shouldn't have to choose, but they both make it feel like that is a decision I'm going to need to make in order for things to become clear. Although, I know if I make a choice, I'll still be unhappy, having to push one of the two out of my life.

I normally wouldn't write to an agony aunt, but I really have no idea what I'm supposed to do and thought that an unbiased opinion would help me deal with the things I needed to sort out within myself and within the situation at hand. I can normally deal with my own problems, though some things do get a little bottle up from time to time, but this is one problem I don't think I've ever been able to see a suitable solution for and I really need to sort before it's too late.

Sadly,
Torn-In-Two

Dear Torn-In-Two,

First of all, it’s good to know that you care so deeply about both people involved in your dilemma. Unfortunately the problem here is that you feelings for both of them are hindering the finding of a sensible solution.

I see, however, that it’s not just you with the problem, but the pair of them as well, doubtless making everything all the more difficult for you. Would there perhaps be some common ground between the pair of them, something they could agree on and get closer due to? Maybe it’s a shared love of old movies or something, I don’t know. But perhaps if a bond can be established between them the tension there will lessen somewhat and make things easier for you.

As for yourself, don’t feel pressured to choose between them. Hopefully if you can help them put aside their differences and get along together, you’ll be able to be with both of them and not arouse any hard feelings from either party.

Here’s hoping my advice has been of use to you! Best of luck!

Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I have, within the last year, exited what was a very serious relationship. Having promised myself that the next two or three years would be dedicated souly to my job, I find myself in the company of a young man I am quite fond of. However, he too has lost a loved one. I've never been one to make the first move in any situation, let alone in a possible relationship. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Heart's On the Mend

Dear Heart’s On The Mend,

Considering your recent exit from a serious relationship and this young man’s recent bereavement, I suggest not making any moves whatsoever just now. Give yourself (and him) some time to become closer in the sense of good friendship, but also time for the wounds of your losses to heal. Dedicate time to your job, as you said you would, and keep this young man as a close friend. This done, perhaps a relationship of a different kind may make itself known.

I hope my advice has been of use to you!

All the best,

Agony Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Dear Agony Aunt,

Let me start by saying, I don't normally read advice column shit but I got a real problem. I met a woman that I think is really fantastic and I've asked her out. Now, I'm no prince charming, and I haven't been out on a date in a long time. Do you have any advice on how I can do this date thing without royally screwing up?

The Dude.

Dear The Dude,

I’m sorry to hear you don’t normally read such things as I write, but I’ll be glad to help you with your problem.

Well, it all depends on how well you know the woman in question as to how you organize the date. Is this young lady a romantic? If so, a meal at a fancy restaurant might be a good bet, if not somewhat cliché. There are a lot more options available in this day and age for those not simply after a film or a dinner date, if you want to be more unusual in your approach. However you decide to go about the date, always be sure to give this young woman the utmost respect (and don’t split the bill; pay it all yourself).

Here’s hoping my advice has been of use to you and best of luck with the date!

Agony Aunt Augusta

[LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH]

Hello Lady Augusta or whoever you are...How do you poison a man who has broken your heart?

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

I’m assuming you are speaking metaphorically, as I am not one who condones such drastic and frankly ridiculous courses of action for such matters as the one you have presented to me. If you are speaking literally than I’d suggest not writing to someone such as myself but to a psychiatrist.

Assuming you are speaking metaphorically, I wouldn’t recommend 'poisoning' the man at all. In my opinion, that would give the impression that you still have feelings for him, in a sense. If I were you I would forget him and move on to someone who is more worthy of you.

All the best,

Agony Aunt Augusta