Don't Tell Me if I'm Dying (Ponyboy) INACTIVE

[sodapop]

He turned the handle on the front door, which even to this day remained unlocked despite constant scolding from older folks around the neighborhood. But the Curtis home was always known as a place to crash for the greasers, and occasionally Eponine, though Soda hadn't woken up to see her on the couch in a long time. He strolled in and looked around, checking to see first if Darry or Pony was home and then to see if anyone else was in the house. He didn't do much surveying before throwing his wallet and keys on the side table by the sofa and wandering into the kitchen, still no sign of his brothers. He gave a slightly irritated sigh and opened the fridge, taking a Pepsi and walking back out into the living room flicking on the television with a lack of something better to do. He sat there for a good few minutes just trying to figure out what he was watching and realizing it was probably pointless, flicked off the t.v. He heard footsteps behind him, and looked up to see his brother, Ponyboy.

[eastsidesunset]

I lay on my stomach with a pencil suspended in midair in one hand and an open sketch pad in the other. I was trying to forget about the overwhelming heat in the room and muster up enough willpower to actually draw something other than my left hand for once, but that was not proving to be very easy. Inspiration just didn't come easy nowadays... Don't ask me why. I don't know why.

Darry was trying to save on the electric bill, which meant there was no air conditioning in the room to speak of. Not even a working fan. Sigh. I put down the pencil, and started fanning myself instead with the thick sketch pad, sweat still pouring down my back. I could only imagine what Soda was feeling at work with all the cars and engines heating up the already oven-like air... Even thinking about it was making me even warmer, if that was even possible.

Groaning, I rolled out of the bed and headed outside, wondering if it might be cooler there. It wasn't. But at least there was more to stare at while lying on the patch of withered grass in the back yard than there was in the house. So I lay there and watched the clouds go by, wishing I had a glass of something ice cold to drink. A few minutes later, I heard the front door being opened and someone walking inside. Soda was home.

Not wanting to move from my spot, I waited a few minutes for him to find me. When he didn't, I sat up slowly, and went back inside the house where I found him in the living room, sitting in the couch drinking Pepsi. He turned around as I approached him.

"Hey," I said simply, then went to the kitchen to grab a bottle for myself. How I hadn't thought of it before now, I had no idea. The heat was frying my brain. Taking a huge gulp of the drink, I went back to the couch and half-collapsed beside Soda on the couch. "How was work?"

[sodapop]

"Hey."

Soda grinned, "Hey."
He replied as Pony ran into the kitchen to grab a Pepsi for himself, he then collapsed on the couch beside him and Soda ruffled his hair up a bit, hoping that it still bugged him. "You look awful Pone, what have you been doing?"

"How was work?"

Soda shrugged and fidgeted with the tab on the soda can out of boredom, work was the usual, messing around with beat up cars and goofing off while the boss wasn't looking, fun stuff but the usual stuff. "Same old, same old." The metal tab broke loose and landed in the can with a barely audible, PLOP! "You should really consider getting a job, Pony. Sure at the moment it's kind of illegal for you to work but since when has that stopped you, or us for that matter?"

He took a swig of soda before he could start ranting. For some reason Soda'd had just been really off the past few days, and he caught himself a few times doing a bunch of stuff that wasn't him. Like snapping at Steve the other day for doing something that normally he'd find hilarious, he shook his head, not bothering to ponder his snippish mood, and instead just try and talk to his brother. Which now that he thought about it, it seemed like a pretty long time since he talked to Pony. He had no clue why. "How was, what ever you did today?"

[eastsidesunset]

I leaned away from Soda, half-heartedly swatting his hand away from my hair. "I haven't been doing anything, and that's the whole problem. It's too hot to even move around here," I griped, shaking my head in disbelief. "What was Darry thinking?!" I knew I probably looked as bad as I felt, and Soda's comment only proved as much. I picked up the Pepsi and took another long swig of the drink, relishing in the coolness of it.

"That's what I've been trying to tell our dear brother for months, but oh no," I replied sarcastically at Soda's comment about getting a job, then did the best Darry impersonation I could--"'That'd be goin' against the law, kid, and you know it. We don't need trouble with the cops. Don't forget you still got almost four years to get through. I'm not gonna let you screw things up now of all times.' I think he still thinks I'm about ten," I finished in my own voice, thoroughly exasperated.

"How was, what ever you did today?"

I paused before answering him, suddenly aware that Soda wasn't sounding like Soda today. I wanted to hit myself for not noticing earlier and being so self-centered. How had I not noticed something was different about my own brother? I finished off the soda, putting the empty can on the coffee table just to buy more time.

"Fine..." I said, dragging out the word, "I woke up, ate breakfast, read for a while, tried to draw something, even managed to sorta clean my side of the room." I gestured vaguely at the bedroom, then continued carefully, "But enough about me, what's up with you? You're not acting like yourself... I mean, turn that frown upside down and all that jazz..." It was a weak attempt at a joke, but it was all I could manage. Better leave the humour department to Two-Bit, I guess.

[sodapop]

"I haven't been doing anything, and that's the whole problem. It's too hot to even move around here... What was Darry thinking?!"

Soda only half listened to Pony's ranting, partially because Soda hadn't realized he was talking and partially because he knew what he was going off about, Darry. The two of them always found a way at each others throats and Sodapop was always put in the middle of it, forced to take one of their sides. Which he couldn't do, they were his brothers not sports teams he couldn't just pick between the two, he saw both sides to every argument, like now, he knew why Darry was keeping the A/C off and despite the house being hotter inside then it was outside, it was a pretty smart idea. "Darry's just trying to save Money Pony, you can't blame him for that."

Pony then proceeded to talk about his day and once again Soda only half listened, until he asked; "But enough about me, what's up with you? You're not acting like yourself... I mean, turn that frown upside down and all that jazz..."

Had it been that obvious, and here Soda thought he was being discrete. He sighed and shrugged, he could pin the blame on a number of things but really it was only two things, well persons, in particular Meg and Sandy. Yeah, Sandy. Up until a few days ago Soda hadn't even thought about her once but the more he started hanging out with Meg, the more thoughts of Sandy occurred. He wondered if it was safe to say he wasn't completely over Sandy, Soda shook his head, completely ignoring Pony's awful attempt at a joke, "You know that girl Meg?"

[eastsidesunset]

"You know that girl Meg?"

I nodded slowly, remembering the whole incident at the Broadway theatre. I wasn't about to tell Soda about all that right now though. My brother looked about as close to depressed as he ever got. I looked at him carefully, trying to read his expression. It was closed off, though, and his face looked almost pained. Did something happen between Sodapop and Meg that was making him this way? And here I thought she'd be his magical cure, the medicine that would erase all of Soda's leftover frustrations about Sandy.

"Yeah, I know her. Sorta." I paused, fiddling with a loose string on the couch and not even feeling the heat as much. Maybe Soda had a point about the Darry-just-trying-to-save-money thing. Heck, I knew he had a point. Every single time. I just wouldn't listen, would simply refuse to let the words in. Why had it taken all this to make me realize that?

"Soda..." I said, unable to hold it in, "I have no idea what's going on with you and Meg, and even if I did I know I wouldn't be much use in that department. But I'm guessing it's not just that that's been bugging you these days, huh?" I sighed, then muttered, "I'm sorry. I mean, I know I've been a pest going on about Darry so much lately. I know he's really just trying to keep us together."

I leaned forward, resting my chin on a hand and not meeting Soda's eyes. Times were changing and it felt as though Soda and I were distancing from each other a little, not talking about anything and everything as much as we did before. And the thought was terrifying.

[sodapop]

"Soda... I have no idea what's going on with you and Meg, and even if I did I know I wouldn't be much use in that department. But I'm guessing it's not just that that's been bugging you these days, huh? I'm sorry. I mean, I know I've been a pest going on about Darry so much lately. I know he's really just trying to keep us together."

Soda couldn't help but chuckle at that, it was to the point where Pony and Darry's arguing barely bothered him anymore, but he was glad Ponyboy at least he realized that it was getting old, "No trust me kiddo, it's not you and Darry." He watched as Ponyboy shifted his position so his chin was resting on his hand, "Your right though it's not just Meg..."

He trailed off biting his bottom lip, "Sandy." was the only thing he said, mainly because he couldn't find the words finish. Soda looked from the couch cushion to Ponyboy and noticed his brother looking a little fearful, he wondered what exactly was running through his mind, "Sorry, I don't mean to drop all this on you but I gotta talk to somebody about it and Darry, though he tries, just ain't as good as listening as you are, and I haven't exactly had a lot of time to talk to Steve."

[eastsidesunset]

"No trust me kiddo, it's not you and Darry. You're right though it's not just Meg..."

I nodded slightly, a little confused now. "What is it, then?" A million possiblilities were running through my head, each one as unlikely as the next. I got my answer in one simple word. "Sandy," Soda said, or more like mumbled, chewing on his lip and staring at the couch.

And then even I could guess what was the matter with Soda. It was like Sandy was the one memory he just couldn't let go of-- the shadow she left behind haunted every good thing that came into Soda's life. I remember I used to like her, used to think she had nice china-blue eyes and a soft laugh. That she wasn't like the average greaser girl. That was before she'd pretty much torn Soda into pieces by having another guy's kid and leaving without so much as an "I'm sorry". Just adding insult to injury. She didn't love Soda at all, at least not like he loved her.

Now that her memory was starting to mess up Soda's second chance at a relationship, I couldn't help but hate her. But I wasn't sure how to say all of this to my brother. So instead, I gave him a one-armed hug as if to say, "Don't worry, you'll be okay. Let it all out." And then I just waited for him to continue.

"Sorry, I don't mean to drop all this on you but I gotta talk to somebody about it and Darry, though he tries, just ain't as good as listening as you are, and I haven't exactly had a lot of time to talk to Steve."

I nodded, and said, "You can talk to me then. You know I'll always listen." I paused, then added jokingly, "Or are kid brothers not as useful as best friends?" I meant it as a joke, but once the words left my mouth I realized I really wanted to know, sorta. Did Soda find it easier to confide in Steve nowadays than me?