And I Don't Know What I'm Doing``Ade;;INACTIVE

[mabs]

Reed was still in a half slumber as he felt Adrienne nuzzle closer to him, her face buried into his chest. Whether or not he would admit to it, he really didn't want to move. He liked the feeling of her in his arms, nestled up against him seamlessly. She did fit there, quite nicely, all her curves gently pressed to his warm body. But then he heard those three miserable words.

Reed bolted up and frowned, trying to put a little space between them. The rush of cold air shocked his brain and he sat there, across the bed and closing his eyes and rubbing his face. In a moment, it was all ruined. All the carefree sex and careless moments they had so far shared, the fun of it all, suddenly vanished. And now he was stuck with another swooning, loving female. Nevermind the fact that some part of him felt masculine approval at her admission.

"No you don't," Reed said, turning to look at her. "You don't love me. Don't fall in love with me, Adrienne. It's not a good place to be." Reed was freaking out inside. He didn't love her at all, and wouldn't, but it infuriated him to think of her with another man. He wanted her to be his for that moment. For a few sexual, sensual weeks, he wanted to selfishly fill up her fmind with himself until she could think of no other. But then what?

[rocky]

"What?"

Adrienne was dislodged from him rather unceremoniously, and she sat there, blinking owlishly, confused as hell. She rubbed her eyes and tried to shake off the remnants of her nightmare -- she had woken up sad and lonely, and his shoving her away did nothing to counteract the feeling.

"I'm not in love with you, what the hell are you talking about?" she said bitterly, and curled her legs up, arms wrapped around her body defensively. After the night they'd had last night she was in desperate need of tenderness and affection, and his distance and scorn gave her no comfort whatsoever. He was like an alien to her, an unknown entity that was occupying her life like a military force. She was beginning to resent the way he had taken up residence in her thoughts. In her heart.

She was still in love with Frank. That's what that dream was, wasn't it? Her stomach lurched, heart sinking -- she was supposed to hate Frank. She tried hard to hate him. She made an effort on the subject, and the moment she was unguarded he was there in her dreams, taunting her.

Shit.

[mabs]

Reed stared at her as she woke up a little more and he blinked back at her, just as owlishly. He didn't want be distanced from her. After a night like the one they had, he really wanted to just lay there lazily with her. But instead he was trying to reinforce his bachelor status, the one that he intended to keep for a while.

"You said "I love you,'" he spoke softly, staring at her with an unreadable expression. He hoped it was just a misunderstanding, because he was really enjoying the sex with her. But if she was going to do this...Reed frowned a little more as she curled into herself.

"You said it. I heard you," he added, as though that would make it any less or more true when she spoke again. God, he was reeling over this woman.

[rocky]

"I was dreaming," Adrienne said bluntly. "About someone else, so don't upset yourself."

Adrienne pressed her fingers over her mouth. She felt sick, suddenly. Frank was supposed to be this blip on her record, he was meant to be a mistake she had long since finished regretting, and that he turned up when she least expected or wanted him made her want to cry.

[mabs]

Reed wasn't sure why that struck a chord with him like it did. He felt defensive all of sudden and almost needy, though he wouldn't admit to that. The words had stung a little, but he deserved it. Reed sighed and looked at her for a long moment.

She was pleasant in the morning, that bleary eyes look with her hair all over the place. There was a softness and feminine way about her that was hypnotic, especially knowing what she was like during the day. As though her wit and defensiveness, not to mention her eclectic and layered clothing, was a tool to keep others at bay. Reed scooted back to her, but he didn't touch her yet. He gave her a look with those unreadable green eyes, sighing slightly.

"Will you come here then?" he spoke, reaching for her. He hated the way he was feeling with her. He hated the dependence of it all, as he had never needed anyone before! But now...

"Please?" he added for good measure. And he would hardly admit he was hanging onto what she would say next.

[rocky]

Adrienne tensed, a lump growing in her throat. She didn't know why she was so emotional, but she supposed it was a combination -- their feud the night before, how angry they had both been, Frank, Reed's distance, after a whole night of intense, fervent sex, and tiredness -- but she choked as she tried to suppress a sob, and clamped her hand over her nose and mouth.

She shook her head, biting down on her lip. She wanted to go and curl up with him, but she couldn't bring herself to try to close the gap between them. Two hot tears sprung and hit her cheeks simultaneously, and she wiped furiously at her eyes.

She was so weak, God. She let every little thing build and build. A wineglass with lipstick on the rim. It was all it took to make her feel absolutely worthless. It was the icing on the cake, really. The last straw.

"Forget it," she mumbled, still unable to look at him. "Never mind."

[mabs]

Oh Jesus. Tears.

Reed hated tears, and he always had. He vaguely remembered watching his father make his mother cry once, and so began his hatred of the things. But he always tried to comfort the possesser of the horrid salty drops, even if he didn't feel any emotion towards them. And well....he felt more emotion than he cared to here.

Reed scooted over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her bar body up against him. He shushed her quietly and stroked her arm, reaching to pull the blankets up around them. He couldn't stand it, and he sighed as he leaned back against the pillows. He wanted to comfort her, and he wanted...her! God. Reed was beginning to wonder if he was suffering an out-of-body experience.

"Shh, sweetheart," he offered quietly, still stroking her skin. "Shhh." If only she knew how much he hated tears.... "I didn't aim to make you cry," he whispered honestly with a frown. "You just scared me. And then you made me angry. And now...." He sighed out heavily, closing his eyes and tightening his arm around her. "Now I don't know what I am." This was getting truly complicated. Far too complicated for Reed Armstrong's blood.

[rocky]

Adrienne shook her head, but coiled up against him anyway. She didn't really know how to explain why she was upset, it was more about her than it was about Reed OR Frank, but she didn't bother to correct Reed's assumption that it was him she was crying over.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm a wreck. I should come with a disclaimer, really. It's not your fault."

Well. Not entirely. She didn't forgive him totally for his misdemeanor with the wineglasses, and she didn't know how to feel about their encounter the night before -- it had been violent, forceful and furious, but she had been complicit in it, after a certain point -- how was she supposed to take that?

How was she cuddling him now when she'd been thumping him the night before?

[mabs]

Reed fell quiet for a long moment, still stroking her skin and trying to soother her. She was a total wreck, but he loved it. It was something new and exciting and something completely different than he should have wanted, but it drew him in. He could no longer pretend to be so aloof bout their encounters. Reed bent his head to kiss hers gently, his mind still mulling over the multitudes of thoughts. What did he want to say? What did he need to say?

"You are a wreck, Heart," he admitted softly. "But I can't get away from it. Besides, everyone is a wreck in their own right." Reed himself was a wreck where commitment was concerned. In anything. He could never commit to his family, his women, his wife, his father. He was committed to his job to a certain point, but even that he could have throw away for something else if the fancy took him. He didn't want to feel caged ever, and commitment was a cage. At least in his mind's eye.

"Can I make an offer to you?" he asked quietly, still absently stroking her arm. "I don't want you to love me, but the thought of you dreaming of another man pisses me the hell off. And it's obvious, after last night, that you thinking of me with other women pisses you off. So what if we make a deal." He paused a beat, carefree Reed wonderful where he was going with this. He didn't really know.

"I guess what I'm getting at is that I'd like to be...exclusive with you. An honest-to-God relationship. Between you and me."

[rocky]

"What?"

Adrienne pushed back from him, tears forgotten -- what did he want? She wasn't convinced she had heard him correctly. He didn't want to love her, or have a proper relationship with her, but she wasn't allowed to think about other men? That was what she had just heard, wasn't it?

"So you just want to own me, is that it?" she said irritably, gobsmacked. "You cannot be serious. How is that fair? You can't tell me you don't want love and in the same breath demand total -- allegiance."

She didn't believe he could abstain from seeing other people, anyway. And she wasn't going to be the one who got hurt when the train crashed, not this time.

She shook her head.

"No."

[mabs]

"No!" Reed cried out angrily. He tensed his fists. "I don't want to own you goddamnit! If I did, I would have found another complacent wife." He wasn't sure how to make Adrienne realize that this wasn't a using gesture. He saw it as a serious one, more serious than how he had regarded her before. Before she was a plaything only. Now, he wanted her to be a constant.

"What I want, is to not feel as lonely all of the time. I'd like to have a nice woman to take out to dinner occasionally. I want a woman like you, who doesn't need me all of the time, but when she does she really does." Franny had hurt him on that level more than he would ever admit.

Reed looked at her and sighed softly, swallowing against his throat. Arguing in bed. Naked. In the morning. He reached for her hand and took it, looking at it before tracing her palm gently. "Look, Adrienne. We're just two lonely people. And I like you, most of the time. When you're not pointing out every stereotypical thing I live up to. I'd....like a chance."

Reed took her hand and kissed it gently. "There's something about you, Red. You won't leave me alone." And then he smiled a half smile. He didn't want love. But a companion...esepcially a hot one...wouldn't be so bad.

[rocky]

"I've been hurt before," Ade said hoarsely, and looked away. "I've hurt people before. This isn't a good idea, Reed."

Possessiveness had never been something Adrienne had gone for, but he was tempting her. He had struck a core with his loneliness comment. She hated to sleep alone. She hated to be alone.

She sighed, guilt knotting in her stomach. She would have been lying if she had said she didn't want to just curl up with him and go back to sleep right then, but she stayed where she was, neither tugging her hand away nor reciprocating his soothing gesture.

"And I still... have feelings for Frank, obviously. God. He went back to his wife."

[mabs]

"And I've been quite mercilessly fucked by my ex-wife, babe. and not in a good way. You don't have the market cornered on hurt." Reed sighed and threaded his fingers through hers. She was still in love? Well he could help with that. She needed to find herself again. And in turn, he could get all the sex he wanted.

Reed gently pushed her onto her back and looked down at her, a seeking look about his face. He wanted to help her, and he wanted to escape the hell he'd lived in for seven years and wasn't totally free of yet. They could help eeach other. Whether she wanted to admit it or not.

"Adrienne. This doesn't have to be complicated. Would it be so bad to be sleeping with a man who is only sleeping with you?" he questioned, raising a brow. Monogamy. A new adventure for him. "Use me to get over him. Use me how you need to. You need a man to attach yourself to, to make this Frank character jealous as hell. And then you'll be in control of him, and can give him a good 'fuck off' exit."

He was giving advice to her now. God.

Reed leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. "Come on, babe. We could have a good thing here. I'll admit, I'm getting a little used to waking up to you."

[rocky]

"And I've been quite mercilessly fucked by my ex-wife, babe. and not in a good way. You don't have the market cornered on hurt."

"I'm not competing with you, God!"

Adrienne didn't think that telling him she was feeling vulnerable negated anything he had been through; his divorce didn't change anything. She lay back as he urged her, laughing in spite of herself. Use me. She wondered if he'd ever uttered such words to anybody else -- it seemed so unlike him to wheedle his way into a relationship. She was terrible at monogamy, though. All it took was the tiniest hiccup in a relationship and she was in the arms of somebody else. She knew it.

"I make a terrible girlfriend," she warned him, in a way that indicated she was caving in, "absolutely awful."

[mabs]

Adrienne had this uncanny habit of expecting the worst of him and taking everything he said in a terrible fashion. He wasn't used to having to work so hard to give a woman an honorable image of him! Reed was sure by now that he had vacated himself, and that there was no logical explanation for his behavior. To an outsider, it would seem that he wanted something lasting with Adreinne. Maybe he did. All he knew was that he was drawn to her by a power much stronger than his own common sense.

"Oh I know. You make a terrible female in general," he teased, kissing along her neck affectionately. "You're full of fire. Fir and bad behavior. But I like it." Reed laid a hand on her ribs, rubbing it along the curve of her tiny waist.

She was a gorgeous thing, and he liked her better bare he decided. Not just for the obvious reasons that his neighbor was more satisfied with it, but for others as well. She seemed so...natural here. Natural and lovable. And vulnerable. She was so...feminine there too. Tender. God...Reed sounded like a besotted school boy.

He leaned back and regarded her face with a half smile and twinkling green eyes. "And for the record, I haven't had an honest-to-God girlfriend since college." He laughed gently before leaning forward to all but kiss her, closing the space between them almost. "Do we have an accord, Heart? Or shall I make passionate love to you until you agree?" He nipped at her lips teasingly, thinking he somewhat liked this. Just a little.